What Happened on the 1st Show of 2009!

 



The most orgasmic women on earth share pleasure principles that will make reaching your peak - and blowing his mind - better than ever

We may lead the world in many ways, but when it comes to our sex lives, Americans are a little flaccid. According to the Durex 2007-2008 Global Sexual Wellbeing Survey, we rank third lowest in the world in how often we get it on. While less than half of us are content with our current erotic state of affairs, 81 percent of American women believe that sex is vital to health and happiness. So how do we go from knowing it to actually doing it? WH tours Brazil, Sweden, Greece, and Israel - four countries that set the standard for sexual satisfaction - to find the answers.

First stop:
Brazil, where couples will try anything once

Brazilians rank second in the world in terms of the sheer amount of sex they have: 85 percent do it at least once a week. But Gisele Bündchen's homeland truly stands apart as a booty mecca because its citizens love to keep sex fresh and fun. Nearly a third of them are willing to give aphrodisiacs a whirl, and 77 percent have oral sex regularly. So deep is their belief in sexual play that there's even a Portuguese word that roughly translates to "Let's experiment with the world of erotic experience." Sacanagem!

That experimental attitude permeates the culture, says Carmita Abdo, Ph.D., an associate professor of psychiatry at the University of Sao Paulo Medical School. Abdo has conducted three comprehensive studies on the country's sexual behavior. "What makes Brazilians unique in their approach to sex is less prejudice and more curiosity, willingness to communicate, devotion to pleasure, and appreciation of different body shapes," she says. (They're so open-minded that a prominent former sexologist, Marta Suplicy, was mayor of Sao Paulo from 2001 to 2004.)

But Brazilians don't equate keeping sex hot with bed hopping. Seventy percent of Brazilian women believe that great sexual satisfaction comes from intimacy and commitment. And in Brazil, monogamy does not equal monotony. In Rio, Abdo says, the couple that gets outrageous together stays together.

Don't hold back First, dedicate more of your time to really fooling around. "America is a very pragmatic society, very goal-oriented," says Esther Perel, M.A., a New York City sex therapist who specializes in cultural sex differences. "We believe in results and are rather uncomfortable with ambiguity," says Perel, who's also the author of Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence. The problem? Sexuality and sexual play thrive in the gray areas. That's why, she says, "sacanagem is an important concept. It's one way to say you're willing to leave reality behind and create an adventurous atmosphere in your bedroom."

But how do you cultivate your erotic imagination? For starters, Perel suggests taking a vacation from your comfort zone. Just as you can get into a rut always eating Cheerios with sliced bananas for breakfast, it's easy to fall into the trap of you-touch-me-here-then-I-touch-you-there, especially in a long-term, committed relationship. The best way to break free is to realize that seduction begins long before you hop into bed: "You can be flirtatious by leaving a provocative sticky note on the bathroom mirror in the morning or sending a suggestive e-mail midday," Perel says. Or devise a Choose Your Own Sexual Adventure story, with each of you adding a titillating nightly installment of what the main characters will do to each other. Perel says writing is often a safer place to explore fantasies and figure out which ones you want to turn into reality.

Second Stop:
Sweden, where sex ed is a lifelong pursuit

Swedish women are introduced to the idea of pleasure early: Sex education starts at age 7. Maybe that's why 61 percent of Swedish women report having had an orgasm the last time they had sex.

In Sweden, the sexual tutorial starts with biology, says Ylva Franzen, a Swedish orgasm coach and the author of Orgasma Mera (translation: Orgasming More). In their equivalent of private high school, young Swedes can take classes like the Kissing Course, where they're taught to have a positive attitude about sex. The curriculum covers everything from finding one's sexual identity to the nitty-gritty on how to kiss. At the college level, Swedes can take electives on desire, falling in love, sexual dysfunction, the ethics of contraception and abortion, societal support for the family, and the problem of world population. That's some stimulating stuff!

And the booty-schooling doesn't stop there. Many Swedes continue to boost their erotic IQs after graduation. At Franzen's weekend orgasm workshops, for example, women from 20 to 65 share their experiences, learn how to find their G-spots, and develop their wild side. "Sex is about being creative and having fun," says Franzen, who has owned an erotica shop in Stockholm, Aphrodite's Laboratory, for 10 years.

Get sex schooled Take a page from the Swedes' book and seek out more serious sexual know-how - because renting Carmen Electra's pole-dancing workout video or watching a Sex and The City marathon isn't likely to leave you better educated about your body or what turns you on. "In the media, images of women's sexuality are primarily represented by oversexualized, ultrathin stars straight out of male fantasies," says sex educator Sari Locker, Ph.D., the author of The Complete Idiot's Guide to Amazing Sex and a consultant on the Durex study. And let's face it, those babes have as much to do with genuine pleasure as carob has to do with dark chocolate.

Since graduate courses on great sex are rare in this country, it's up to you to find books or other media that provide insight on erotic pleasure. Three methods for kick-starting your studies:

Become an expert on your own plumbing. Pick up The V Book: A Doctor's Guide to Complete Vulvovaginal Health by Elizabeth G. Stewart and Paula Spencer. The single best guide to the vagina we've come across, this positive, empowering, and highly readable primer provides a thorough understanding of how you function below the belt.

Laugh as much as you learn. In her funny and fascinating book Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Sex and Science, Mary Roach investigates sex research of every kind to reveal the often wacky ways the white coats discover new insights into our arousal.

Break down mental boundaries to orgasm. Study The Orgasm Loop: The No-Fail Technique for Reaching Orgasm During Sex, by the acclaimed sexpert Susan Crain Bakos, a breakthrough mind-body method that uses cognitive feedback to help you find your big O.

Third Stop:
Greece, where nooky is the national pastime

When it comes romping, the Greeks win the gold medal. Not only do they have the most sex, they beat us hands down. They topped the list of the 26 countries surveyed by doing it an average of 164 times a year, nearly twice the 85 bonks of the typical American. And in a recent study of Europeans' sexual habits, Greek men tied for first with the tough-to-dethrone French, says Elizabeth Ioannidi-Kapolou, Ph.D., a sociologist and senior researcher at the National School of Public Health in Athens.

Putting sex at the top of the to-do list is the norm in Greece, Ioannidi-Kapolou says. In Greece, "we are after pleasure," Ioannidi-Kapolou says. "This is how people enjoy themselves."

Say yes, yes, yes! Simply put: Just do it. Often the biggest obstacle between you and sexual spontaneity is too much thinking. On any night, feeling fat or stressing about the over-with workday or planning for the next one can take the sizzle out of sex - or stop the proceedings before they even begin.

That irritating "I can't tonight" behavior is so common it actually has a name, first coined by sex-research pioneers Masters and Johnson: "spectatoring," the tendency to step outside yourself during lovemaking. Women who spectate observe themselves while they're doing the deed, but not in a healthy "damn, I'm smokin' hot" way. Instead, they tend to let their inner critic ruin their good time. No surprise, studies have shown that the more distracted a person is, the less sexually satisfied she is. This spectatoring business was to blame for far fewer orgasms - as well as more faked ones.

Other studies have found that learning to focus on body awareness and positive sensations during foreplay (the feel of a silky nightgown or of fingers running across your skin, the look of your own body in the mirror) increases sexual response in women - even in those who had problems in the bedroom - and can cause them to crave (and in some cases have) sex much more often. If you already know how to get out of your head, the challenge is taking action, Ioannidi-Kapolou says. Begin by obeying your urges whenever and wherever they strike. A code word or phrase can work wonders if you suddenly feel the need to get primal in public. Maybe something like "Hey, honey, want to get our Greek on?"

Fourth Stop:
Israel, where women ask for what they want

A recent poll of Israeli women found that 72 percent of the 14,840 respondents had had an orgasm the last time they had sex, and 71 percent said they knew how to ask for what they want in the sack. "In the past 20 years, there's been much more assertiveness," Israeli journalist Maayana Shenhar says. "That's in large part because there's more information [about sex] available now."

Israeli women have mastered the adage "ask and you shall receive." Call it sexual chutzpah: "When you talk about assertiveness in Israeli society, I would chalk it up to dugri," Perel says. "It's an essential word in Hebrew that means 'to the point, without any tact.' It's totally in-your-face." And it works.

The high degree of dugri, she says, can be attributed to the fact that Israelis are keenly aware of their mortality. Sex is seen as a way to mitigate the constant turmoil and to assert life.

Decide to dominate When it comes to getting hot and heavy between the sheets, guys definitely want directions. "American culture says that guys are supposed to know what they're doing in the bedroom, or at least act like they do," says Marshall Miller, co-author of I Love Female Orgasm: An Extraordinary Orgasm Guide. "Men are dying to know what women really want, but some are afraid that asking will be a sign of sexual inexperience or weakness."

Miller and his co-author and main squeeze, Dorian Solot, help women stateside get on the fast track to orgasm. The best way to ensure success, the couple says, is to advocate for your own bliss. "Most guys make sure that if they're getting some, they're going to get off," Solot says. "They arrange things and move their bodies in a way that's just right for them." By comparison, she says, women often lie back and think, "I hope [he] gives me an orgasm tonight!"

A few ways that Miller and Solot suggest women take the lead:

Know thyself.
"Women with satisfying sex lives know their bodies," Solot says. They say what they need - and reach down and help when necessary.

Give him props.
Sugar coat your requests with compliments, such as: "You feel so good inside me. And it's really hot when you rub my clit at the same time!"

Show, don't tell.
Sometimes it's better to nix the chatter and let your body do the talking. "Move your body or your partner's hand to initiate what you want," Solot says. "Most of the time, he'll get the picture right away." If he's reluctant or confused, that's when you should talk.