He then joined a group of travelling carnival performers as the “hairiest f-ing child in the history of recorded history”. Chris made quite a bit of money over the next 5 years performing his renowned “Unkempt Cat’s Cradle” show as well as endorsing hair care products.

At the age of 11 Chris left the carnival to travel the world and defend the innocent from the evils of George Lopez. The next ten years are a still a mystery, as Chris will not discuss them with anyone. Some say he served the time in a jail in Peru for “unauthorized puppetry of the penis” but no one knows for sure.

What is known is that at the age of 21 Chris returned to his home in the mountains and started a small roadside business selling hand painted pinecones and hosting a local radio show. The following decade is so full of adventure that it is impossible to explain in this small bio…but some of the highlights include; three Noble Peace Prizes, 47 patents, lots of sex…no seriously LOTS, some cozy mittens, 7 crossbow wounds and a lifetime batting average of 306.

Both goats died in the altercation but in the grand clash of head and horn, when the dust settled, lo and behold, a tiny baby boy lay upon the ground.

Jason however was not raised by the goats but rather became their Herder.

In his early years he mostly ate tree bark and berries, until he realized one day that goats were probably pretty tasty on a bun. He soon devoured the entire herd.

So he spent the next several years touring from town to town singing and telling tall tales in little pubs and inns.

He became so popular people would flock from miles away just to catch a glimpse of him. One day a strange little man from a land called “Canada” asked Jason to come with him and sing and tell his tall tales to many more people, all at once...on a bizarre contraption called a radio. Hence, he has been doing that ever since.

Fascinating. Oh yes…yes indeed..